My Father has always been a beacon of Light to me. His unfailing support, love and encouragement have propelled me to travel a path I could never have predicted. Over the past 4 years, I have watched his slow decline in a disease which is taking his mind, consciousness and eventually, all of him. At first, I scrambled, searching for every possible remedy; Pestering him daily to at least drink more water; Buying supplements I hoped would slow the process. Little by little, I had to begin the process of letting go of my compulsion to fix him, heal him, change the trajectory of his life.
I had to come to the realization that this was his life, and not mine. My Father was walking steadily on a path leading into a dark wood, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
Today, I sat by his bedside as he lay, unable to walk, speak, eat or move. I watched him breathe and wondered what life was like for him, locked in this shell. Either he failed to find what his body was crying out for, or, for reasons that we shall never know, this was his rightful destiny.
Today, I got to find out what remains when almost nothing is left. I discovered that not only is Love always there, but that it only grows when there are no more words, no more actions, not even a purpose to being alive. Love emerges as the constant shining light that far outpaces any human ability or endeavor.
I found myself immersed in the deepest connection with the man who had given me life. I observed that when nothing is left to hold on to, just the breath, the presence of a human being is Love.
It is possible that I have experienced at least a glimpse of 'the Peace that passes all understanding'.
The moment when life was created was sacred. The moment life emerges from the womb, we celebrate a love we had never before experienced.
I had never realized that the moment we leave this body is also sacred, and also contains a possibility of expanding Love that I could never imagine. I am hoping that the shining Love that I feel, is only a glimmer of the vast ocean my Father will dive into — free of any pain, fear, loss or regret.
I hold this shining, Sacred space for him as he listens patiently for his time to be born into a new dimension.
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UPDATE: My profoundly dear Father is now on the other side. My gratitude to him, and to Life, is eternal.